I thought you should know

So hey, I don’t know if it’s me or what, but I’ve been flushing the toilet early.
I just thought you should know.
Maybe I’m taking longer to pee than I used to.
Maybe premature flushing is common with men my age.
I used to be able to time it, you know… Like starting the flushing process while still urinating but having it all synched up where the last of my fluid leaves me before all the toilet fluid leaves it.
I wouldn’t say it was an art form, but it was something I had a lot of practice at. But now, I flush, toilet empties then fills back up, but I’m still peeing. I’m not even doing it consciously, I just walk up, unzip, reach in point, release, pause, pause, flush, wonder why I just hit the lever, pause, pause… Shake, flush.
I try not to waste, I feel kind of bad about it, but it’s just an instinctive thing. Like I said I don’t know if it’s me or what, maybe these new fangled machines flush faster on the west coast or something.
Hey you know what’s fun? If your chewing gum, blow a bubble, pinch it closed with your mouth, spit it into a toilet and try to pop it while you pee. If that’s too easy try flushing it… Moving Target!

ps I had like a billion ideas for the subject line:
Dear John,
Don’t Cross the Streams