Money For Nothing Monday, December 27, 2004 I’ve …

Money For Nothing
Monday, December 27, 2004

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve always had a knack for finding unusual means of acquiring scratch, moolah, dough, sawbucks… Money!

For instance, for many years I’ve made my living, or at least heavily supplemented it, with yo-yoing. In the past I’ve also been a radio dj, a hand model, a hair model, a character in a video game, and an object in a scavenger hunt.

Sometimes, I’m hired by unscrupulous people to pedal a service or agenda in a inappropriate manner. For instance one company I worked for paid me to trespass, vandalize, and do whatever else I could to get their crappy movie posters up and hand out garbage. Not only did they require these illegal acts, but asked for the specifics of what I did along with photos of the act. Another company hired me to call radio stations in other states and request certain artists (such as Lenny Kravitz, Franz Ferdinand, and Modest Mouse). I was told to call each station several times a day, and pretend to be a resident of a nearby town (they provided lists of towns from which we were to use). Both of these employers I completely screwed. Never placing a call or vandalizing a single space (at least not with their commercial garbage). And both companies continued to pay me VERY VERY well for what they thought I was doing. The best part is, I’m still getting gigs like these, and I’m still fucking them over. Two birds with one stone. Death to viral/guerilla marketing.

Now, this is only a small part of what I do. Actually there’s quite a few gigs lately that don’t make me feel dirty.

The first is, I was accepted into the cast of Dirty Little Secret, a burlesque show at an old speak easy joint downtown. It pays decent, and I’ll be performing every weekend in February and hopefully further. The cast will mostly consist of female topless dancers and singers, I’ll be doing 3 two minute performances an evening, playing the part of a 1920’s salesman (selling yoyos). This was the first time I’ve ever auditioned for a role, and I knew I pretty damn well that I nailed it. As a matter of fact, when I was in the dressing room afterwards I heard the producers talking about it and developing ideas. So when a producer called me I said right away ” Hey, I’m glad you called, I’ve got this great idea.. Picture this, I come out with a suitcase, right? And I’m a salesman.”

The other gig I have coming up is a sideburn modeling gig, $1,400 for four days of photos. I love it! If it goes well, the guy said he needs a shaving model and a beard model next month. Money for nothing, I love hair modeling gigs. I don’t ever do that stuff for free yo. I’ve been given a great talent, and with that comes responsibility.
Word.