Surf Ninja, shyly trying to ride th…

Surf Ninja, shyly trying to ride the waves (and not drown in the process)

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

[not a “light” read]

So it seems that I’ve been on a ridiculous emotional rollercoaster lately, and I think it’s because I’ve been working myself too hard. I need to relax. I work all day, then get off and stress myself out on all sorts of other projects. On top of that, emotions seem to have been piling up overwhelmingly, one minute I’m great, the next I’m terribly down. I have been getting a lot done lately, and some really good things have been happening lately, and so have some really bad things, but that’s life. It sounds corny to type it, but I feel I need to just relax and go with the ups and downs better. It reminds me of when I was drowning on Sandy’s beach. A friend (and native to Hawaii) was teaching me how to surf. He didn’t understand that I had never ever encountered waves before. So he took me to the most dangerous beach in all of Hawaii. Things were great for about ten minutes, but then a huge set of waves came, literally I had never seen anything like them, they were three or four times bigger than any of the waves up unto that point. Sandy’s crashes right on the beach, and every time a wave would hit it would slam me against the sand and the undercurrent would press down preventing me from being able to breathe or move. When the wave would leave I tried to fight my way back onto the beach, but would get tackled by the wave again, and then dragged a little bit further into the ocean. What I didn’t know at the time was that everyone else had swum into the ocean where the waves were tepid. They just waited the set out in.

So there have been some sad things in my life lately that I’m having trouble dealing with, but I’d rather just mention what?s been good lately.

I’m renting a dream pad in the mission. I love it here, in this area, more so than anywhere else I have lived. It’s just an instant affinity I feel whenever I ride around the neighborhood. I know many of the storeowners already, and feel well accepted. The house itself is ideal too. Already furnished, low low rent, and I live here by myself. The guy that rents it to me uses it for work during the day, and then stays at his girl?s house in the evening.

Work has been going better, but I still hate it, and I’m doing as much as I can to avoid having a real job next year. I had an audition today at the York Hotel for a new burlesque show they are opening. I did a yo-yo routine and gave some ideas for routines with other performers and COMPLETELY FUCKING NAILED THE AUDITION. Lately, and I don’t know why, I have been able to bring forth great confidence for business meetings. I have been able to fake it before, but now, often when it matters the most, I can bring out this side of myself that often surprises me. Confident, cool, sexy, even well postured and doesn’t stutter or mumble. Last weekend I had a meeting with a newspaper publisher that was planning on starting to publish in the city and I just totally had him eating out of my hand. Where this personality hides within me, and why its not there most of the time is still hard to figure out.

I have two cool things planned for next month, one is a meeting with McSweeney’s/826 Valencia about a volunteer position, the other is a marketing proposal for a large liquor company.

The McSweeny’s thing is a cartoonist workshop that I’m setting up through 826 Valencia creative writing project. They seem as psyched as I am, the format is still unknown mostly, but it will probably be like a 6-week course taught by myself and some other volunteers from the Cartoonist Conspiracy (actually I’m giving the Conspiracy credit for the classes). The goal I believe is to publish some of the works by each artist in the class. I wont be teaching how to draw, just how to make a comic, how the eye moves, and give some feedback/advice.

The liquor thing is a very very big deal! It is the start of me being more aggressive with my talents, all of which up to this point I have completely squandered. If they accept my offer, it will mean me overseeing a large project over three months in San Francisco, with a few employees under my belt. I’m not going to say anything about it other than; there would be enough money involved for me not to have a day job. The best part is, the idea is GOLD. If this company feels they can’t afford it, I’ll move onto the next one. But I do hope this group goes for it.

So now I wait for a call from The York. I feel confident they will call; I hope I can move that confidence when it comes time to tell them how much I expect per show ($350).
It feels good to talk about all the stuff going on lately, I almost forgot to mention the two things that have been really been a key source to my happiness lately. The first is my new friend Temi that has been a big inspiration/conspirator/friend to talk to I’ve been sad or lonely. The other is my art, which I feel lately has been improving so much, and it’s been bringing me such happiness. My next comic book is not coming along very well, but I am working on a zine all about sex.. Excuse me, I mean all about SEX. Speaking of which I have an interview Thursday morning with a prostitute at 7am. Who the fuck is up at 7am? I wake up at 7:30 and I’ve got a day job! What the fuck? On my day off I scheduled a meeting at 7?! Damn.

Did I mention I need to take more time to relax lately?