Bum Valet

If you drive in the city often looking for parking, you’ll often see those people that stand in good parking spots and flag you in, as if you never would have found the spot without their help. So you pull into this spot and they are waving you in trying to make it look as if they are helping, and then when you park your car they ask you to pay them for saving that great spot for you and helping you park.

It’s such an annoying problem in this city that often you’ll just keep driving around instead of taking a spot that’s open, just because some asshole is gonna harass you for money and you are worried that if you don’t give him some scratch he’ll fuck with your car.

So, I found a solution, if you see a spot open, and some jerk comes around trying to be a parking attendant, roll down your window and thank them as they try to guide you in. You’ve got to act like you are all about it, and as you are backing up go a little to far and bump the car behind you. Nothing major or anything, just a little tap, but flip out. “Oh my God! My car! I thought you were helping me, why didn’t you help me?! I just got that bumper fixed too! What am I going to do?” Really play it up.

Chances are pretty good that you won’t be asked for any dough, but if so just bring up your bumper.

Anyone else got any ideas?






2 responses to “Bum Valet

  1. Here's an idea: DON'T DRIVE IN THE CITY! duh! Avatar
    Here’s an idea: DON’T DRIVE IN THE CITY! duh!

    Barring running the opportunist over, back and forth [forever], give them some food instead. They can’t get angry, and you’ll have done a good deed, rather than give them drug and booze money. Carry some food in your car with you. Share it. It’s better to feed the poor than give them money. If you can even afford to have a car in this tiny walkable city, you can spare a bit of food. Warms your heart don’t it?

  2. Josh Parker Avatar
    Josh Parker

    Better still, why not give them a yo-yo and change their life forever?

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