Jim Stensland, God’s Prophet

I wrote the following story (and accompanying caricature) in 2001 for my zine Moebius Strip Tease. I’m printing it online for the first time. A quick google search turns up nothing useful about Jim now, if anyone has information I’d love to hear it.

Jim Stensland is god’s prophet, Christ’s cousin, a veteran of the civil war (decorated by Lincoln himself), and a producer of bumper stickers. Upon first seeing Jim, you are bound to notice the two giant American flags flapping behind him as he rockets down Nicollet Street in Minneapolis, often times passing buses or cars. Next you’ll probably notice all of the “Porn Stud“, “Pimp Daddy“, and “All the churches are guilty of aboninations.” bumper stickers adhered to the back of his wheelchair.

It was the latter sticker that most interested me, so after a little research I have finally been able to meet up with Jim for a cup of coffee. As I hand Jim his mocha, he tells me about the first time he heard god’s voice. It was 1973 and he was with his girlfriend when god said unto him “Leave her. She’s no good for you.“. During the next week Jim had many visions of the future. He saw how he and his girlfriend would break up, who she marries, and how she dies. Miraculously, Jim and his girlfriend broke up a week later. Just as his prophecy had foreseen. A week later the voice returned to Jim and told him “Parents are brainwashing their children.“, before adding “All of the churches are guilty of abominations“.

I ask Jim if god ever specified what abominations all the churches had been guilty of. “Not really,” he says “God never really clarified on that much.” But Jim tells of his own theory “None of the major religions believe in reincarnation. I know reincarnation is real. In fact, in a past life I lived in Atlantis. I was general in the Ohio militia. I was the apostle James. Brother of John, cousin of Jesus. God told me once ‘You are the spitting image of your cousin, and the only one worthy of his salvation’.“. Jim takes a sip of his coffee through a straw and begins to tell me of the two witnesses in Chapter 11 Revelations. “I’m one of those two, and so is my wife. I haven’t met my wife yet, but in this lifetime, she’s a blonde.

He and his wife to be, who has not met yet but he thinks he once saw in Fargo, will be part of the coming armageddon. “For rapture to begin, I have to persecute reverend Moon of the Unification Church. I also have to successfully inquest the impeachment of president Jimmy Carter.” I was really interested in how someone would go about impeaching an ex-president, Jim says “He only served one term, so he will serve again. There are seven kings and the antichrist. Carter was the first and he’ll be the eighth.” This means Carter may be 100 years old when he takes his second term in office.

Jim doesn’t have a website or anything, but he says you can learn more about him by to the Flying J Truck Stop in Fargo, ND, where is he is apparently infamous. Or you can go to his hometown of Phillipsburg, Montana. For now, you can find his bumper stickers in Minneapolis, where Jim lives now, at Arise bookstore.


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4 responses to “Jim Stensland, God’s Prophet

  1. Dave Avatar
    Dave

    Reminds me of the time I met a guy who said he was the second coming of Christ.

  2. […] my friends (Schalicto and Titifreak). I had previously posted my MST interview with Jim Stensland here, but I’m now adding another story from MST titled “Penis” as a downloadable pdf […]

  3. Jimmiestensland Avatar
    Jimmiestensland

    Elijah’s second coming is in Rev. 19:11-16
    Revelation 19:11-16 (King James Version)

    11And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.

    12His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.

    13And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.

    14And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.

    15And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.

    16And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS

    The prophet Elijah is also referred to as the Mahdi in Islam! Who is a Conqueror, the same as the person in Rev. 19:11-16! This proves that the Bible has been fabricated!

  4. Jimmiestensland Avatar
    Jimmiestensland

    I have informed Dakota Paranormal Investigators about a ghost that is an interesting in Fargo, N. Dak. 

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